There are two kinds of people in the world: those battling the agony of back pain, and those who just don’t have back pain at the moment.

Nothing can quite ruin your day, week or month like a barking back. But the moment you mention it, the ninnies will come crawling out of the woodwork to bend your ear with bad advice.

Take some Tylenol!

Go lie down!

Join a gym and get some exercise!

And if you listen to them, you can find yourself in more pain than ever before.

Join a gym to “strengthen” your back, and you could tweak something so bad you’ll turn into a cripple. Baby the thing and lay in bed all day, and you could find the pain and stiffness getting worse, not better (not to mention the risk of blood clots, too).

And a major study over the summer found that Tylenol, the supposed go-to drug for so many pain conditions including backaches, won’t do squat for your back (and the other common painkillers are every bit as useless).

So, friend, you can just ignore back pain and hope it gets better—and, believe it or not, 70 percent of the time back pain goes away entirely on its own.

But if you’re in the other 30 percent—or if you just don’t want to grimace and bear it—you’ve still got plenty of safe, proven and EFFECTIVE options.

I call them my...


#1) Massage: No, I’m not talking about backrubs from your spouse or well-meaning friends——they can actually do more harm than good.

But someone trained in therapeutic massage? It’s heaven in 30-minute increments.

You’ll likely feel better almost immediately. But for true and lasting results, you’ll need a therapeutic massage several times a week for several weeks or even a few months, depending on your condition.

Yes, a massage several times a week. Life is rough sometimes.

#2) Heat: When the pain hits you in the back, crank up the heat——because a hot compress is one of the most effective all-around pain beaters, especially for muscle pain and hard-to-pinpoint pain such as backaches.

There are a number of ways to apply heat: Electric heating pads, microwavable wraps and even one-time use heating pads that stick to your back and keep it warm for hours (you’ll find all of these things at your local big box store).

Or you could even just stand in the shower, stretch out and let the hot water hit you right on the spine (keep it hot, but don’t burn yourself).

It all works the same... and it all works wonders.

#3) Cocaine: No, I’m not just checking to see if you’re still paying attention, and I haven’t lost my marbles.

Your doctor has access to medicinal-grade liquid cocaine, which he can place onto a cotton swap and stick up into your nose until it hits the spheno-palatine ganglion.

The SP ganglion is like a traffic cop for pain signals. When it gets hit with that cocaine, it puts up the stop sign——and it sends that pain packing.

Yes, in essence this is cocaine up your nose... DO NOT try this with the junk sold on the street.

If your own doc isn’t willing to offer the procedure, call around. If no doc will take your calls on this one, call a travel agent instead——because this simple outpatient procedure is routinely offered in parts of Europe and Central America.

You could probably use a vacation anyway.