Most important meal of the day

Many years ago, I had a friend who had been kidnapped in Guatemala. He was held in a cave and allowed to eat only boiled eggs for months.

Eventually, the police tracked down his kidnappers and called for his release, demanding that they come out “manos arriba” (hands up).

The kidnappers came out of the cave——“manos arriba”——and, this being Guatemala, were immediately shot.

They probably should’ve known better.

You may be wondering what this has to do with breakfast. Plenty: While living in a cave was certainly no picnic for my friend and he probably craved something——ANYTHING——other than boiled eggs, he reported to me that he emerged from his incarceration healthier than when he went in.

Don’t thank the kidnappers or the cave for his good health; thank the EGGS. They’re the perfect food, and especially the perfect breakfast in any form: boiled, fried, poached, etc.

You can even eat them raw. Don’t fear it; the inside of the egg is 100 percent germ-free. The only place you might find bacteria is on the outside——on the shell. Clean it carefully without breaking (I recommend a brief dip in a solution of 3 percent hydrogen peroxide), rinse it, and then carefully crack it open to get the golden treasure inside.

Raw egg may take some getting used to, but believe me, it’s a delicacy.

Along with any-style eggs (yolks and all) here are a few other items that will round out your morning and have you ready for the rest of your day:

Bacon: Yes, you read that right. You have my permission to enjoy all the bacon you want, fried crispy. Unhealthy? Don’t believe it for a second! Pork fat is one of the world’s best nutritionals (yes, that does mean sausage, chops and ham steak are on the morning menu as well if that’s what you crave).

Save the leftover bacon grease and cook with it. It can make just about anything taste better (even Brussels sprouts).

Raw dairy: You won’t find a better source of natural stomach-boosting, immune-building, disease-fighting probiotics and vitamins than fresh raw milk, cheese and yogurt.

Of course, the problem today is that it’s easier to buy heroin than raw dairy in many places as the honest farmers who produce milk and retailers who sell the stuff have been subject to ARMED RAIDS by nanny state thugs. (Maybe they should switch to selling that heroin; they’ll be left alone.)

It’s worth the hassle and risk, in my opinion. Raw milk is the most potent super-food in nature, and it’s great to have on hand for the final touch to your breakfast:

Coffee: I’m sure you’ve had to listen to some nag lecture you about how coffee is supposed to be bad for you. Nothing could be further from the truth. People who drink coffee have a lower risk of cancer, dementia, heart disease and more.

Coffee drinkers even live longer, too!

Don’t worry about “moderation” here; many of the studies find the biggest benefits go to people who drink the most coffee——four, five, six or more cups per day.

If you get the jitters, switch to decaf after your first few cups or even tea.

There are other great breakfast foods——if you like steak with your eggs, feel free to throw one on the grill——but those are the basics.

And whatever you do, don’t touch the made-for-TV breakfast of cereal, toast and orange juice. Everything in that picture is wrong, wrong, wrong. It’s a carb-loaded disaster that will cause you to be tired and hungry so you’ll eat more and gain weight.

Start your day off right instead and you’ll have the energy you’ll need to get through a long day and the good health you’ll need for a long life.